No Disqualifications

« September 2006 »

Memo to the Internet: HYPOCRISY IS IRRELEVANT.

It's been a while since I've brought this up, which means you're long overdue for a reminder. If you're using the Internet to become outraged and comment on things, whether it be via message boards, blogs, or widely-read daily comedy polemic column beloved by all and sundry, it's important to remember that being a hypocrite is a lot like having herpes.

I mean, obviously it's not a good thing, but it's not nearly the social stigma it used to be. Many hypocrites go on to lead happy, productive lives. Hell, they can walk around with a giant metaphorical baker's dozen of open sores on their face, proclaiming their status for all the world to see, and we all pretend not to notice.

Partly it's due to our collective attention span, which you now need a well-calibrated microscope to measure. Basically, as long as any public figure can avoid going, oh, four and a half minutes between saying something and saying its complete opposite, most people won't notice, and the rest won't care. Add in even a fraction of subtle shade of meaning, and that window shrinks to seconds.

But mainly it's that being a blatant, shameless hypocrite no longer disqualifies you from the vital job of being asked for your opinion about shit. Hell, as far as I can tell, NOTHING disqualifies you from being asked for your opinion about shit. Not hypocrisy, not outrageous statements, not death threats, not sexually harassing your underlings. Someone will still have you on their show. Someone will still publish your next book.

And if there is no punishment for a transgression, then there's no point in yelling about the transgression. You can catch these fuckers out all you want, but at the end of the day, you're just pissing into the windmills. While Michelle Malkin laughs all the way to the bank.

I mention Malkin because she provided the most recent example of how high the bar has been set. How crazy you have to be, how obvious the disconnect between you and reality are, and STILL not be forcibly removed from the public discourse by burly men with straightjackets and Thorazine.

You see, Malkin has recently taken up the cause of three Catholics who have been convicted on terrorism charges in Indonesia. They face execution despite questions about the fairness of their trial, and are appealing to the International Criminal Court in Geneva. To Malkin, this is a clear-cut example of Islamofascistijihadist persecution of innocent, peaceful Christendom.

You see what I mean? Of course you do. It would be insulting to your intelligence to point out the parallels to current US policy, or the disdain for which Malkin and hundreds of other conservatives showed toward the ICC when it was established. And if anyone's intelligence is going to be insulted, it's Malkin's. Who, I am obligated to point out whenever I mention her in a column, is a moronic skin-bag pumped full of liquid hate, and, lest we forget, has a custom pair of pom-poms for leading YAY JAPANESE INTERNMENT CAMP cheers in her backyard.

And if Queen Demonbitch can get away with hypocrisy that bold and blatant, then calling her out on it will accomplish the square root of fuck-all. Which means those of you with a habit of doing that need to get off your asses and keyboards, get out there, and start getting pictures of these bastards in flagrante delecto with a puppy. Because there's a slim chance that might still work.