Vestigial Mouth-Organs

« February 2007 »

You know what I hate about Darwin Day? Trying to use up all the Darwin Day leftovers. Australopithecine drumsticks, fossilized potatoes, and a couple of slices of Dover-brand humble pie going stale in the fridge. Luckily, Wednesday is as good a day as any for the turkey-on-rye we like to call IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"We sort of want to inject some truth and reality into the Darwin Day celebrations." - John West of the creationist Discovery Institute.

Not much to say here, just that the "sort of" cracks me up. It's as if, for one tiny moment, a guilty synapse fired in John West's brain that made him qualify "truth and reality". I'm sure that one self-aware synapse was curb-stomped and then prayed for by its immediate neighbors.

"You’ll continue to have fear in the classroom. You will continue to have kids brainwashed and feeling uncomfortable." - John Calvert, a founder of the Intelligent Design Network.

First of all, I've been out of public school for a couple of decades, but surprisingly, I'm sure that what Calvert said is factually correct - fear, discomfort, and a feeling of being brainwashed will continue in Kansas classrooms. Where Culvert is a moron is in thinking that Intelligent Design will stop it. Hell, he'd be an idiot if he thought anything could stop it. The fact that what he thinks will stop it is glorified mythology is a happy bonus. What's -actually- happening is that the new state school board, voted in because Kansas' not entirely inbred hick community was sick of being thought of as inbred hicks, is fixing the science standards the last batch of creationists fucked with.

The old standards, according to the AP, "define science so that it isn’t specifically limited to the search for natural explanations of phenomena", which is just fuckin' crazy talk. If you don't limit it to natural explanations, you expand it to include unnatural explanations, i.e. YAY GOD. But as far as Culvert's concerned, the ability to search for unnatural explanations is the only thing holding back Kansas students' collective ennui. Es, ergo non cogitus*.

"Commonly in the scientific community every inquiry into the scientific weaknesses of the theory is blocked off at the very outset. To some extent there prevails a type of censoring here of the sort for which one eagerly reproached the church in former times." - Cardinal Christoph Schoenborn of Vienna, criticizing the Dover decision for... honestly, I have no idea why he was doing it. He's apparently been bringing it up at a whole bunch of lectures. Maybe he's just a dick.

Ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you that word order is important. Cardinal Schoenborn used the phrase "inquiry into the scientific weaknesses". He could have said "scientific inquiry into the weaknesses", and, had such inquiries been blocked off at the very outset by the scientific community, he would then have what scientists refer to as a "fucking chance in hell of making his case".

But since the inquiries into scientific weaknesses" are coming from priests, hicks, Ken Ham, Pat Robertson, and crazy fuckers who think Jesus fed dinosaurs loaves and fishes, blocking them off at the very outset isn't censorship, it's crowd control. They don't get into the club if they're not going to at least try to dance. The bouncer sees they look like trouble, and thus, they can take their fun elsewhere. Is it inclusive? No, but neither are the Boy Scouts, and fundies don't seem to have a problem when THEY keep the gays out. So I officially invite the cardinal to take charge of the Archdiocese of Tough Shit. Congregation: one.

*Ergo non Latino actuallum