You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.
Memo to Ben Carson, Buck Newton, and Steve Loomis: YOU ARE AWFUL.
When I say that IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS, the word "idiots" also includes "complete assholes", and "damndest" also includes "reprehensibly hurtful". I think you'll understand that the complete scope of those two terms has to be sacrificed for the sake of pithiness. But as you'll sooon see, this week's quotes qualify for both the basic and extended definitions.
“Harriet Tubman would likely be turning over in her grave if she knew she would be the new face of American debt slavery," - Ben Carson, forcing my hand.
I know I've done Harriet Tubman, the $20 bill, and Ben Carson's idiocy once already, but dude, seriously. Once again we've got some serious mainstreaming of some seriously insane wingnut ideas. IT'S FUCKING MONEY. it's a $20 bill. You use it to pay for things regardless of the state of the national debt even if you think the national debt is "slavery", which, you know, I wonder if Ben Carson ever had a mortgage? I bet he did. Even separating-twins money ain't gonna let you pay cash for the kind of house you think you deserve when you're making separating-twins money.
Also, I don't like to bandy about the word "race traitor", because it's problematic as hell, so I need to start working on some better way to describe, say, a black doctor who'll shamelessly bandy about the word "slavery" so he can pretend Harriet Tubman would totally support him politically. Because "asshole" isn't really strong enough and is lacking in specificity. I'll let you all know when I come up with something workable.
"Go home, tell your friends and family who had to work today what this is all about and how hard we must fight to keep our state straight,” - North Carolina state senator Buck Newton, at a rally in support of North Carolina's execrable "bathroom bill".
First and foremost, on my list of worst possible places on earth to be, "at a pro-bathroom-bill rally" is only a few notches below "war-torn Syria". Second and one layer below foremost, how much more pigfucker shitkicker does it get than "State Senator Buck Newton"? If he doesn't have a six-inch brass belt buckle that says "SENATOR" across it, I will be sorely disappointed.
Anyway, Buckface, you're not keeping North Carolina straight. North Carolina is just as bent as every other state. All you're doing is keeping North Carolina's shitty straight people comfortable by oppressing minorities. Which, sure, North Carolina has a long and inexplicably proud history of, but it's a dick thing to do, and it doesn't make the people you don't like for no good reason actually go away. It just makes Bruce Springsteen go away.
“We only hope the Rice family and their attorneys will use a portion of this settlement to help educate the youth of Cleveland in the dangers associated with the mishandling of both real and facsimile firearms,” Loomis said in the statement.” - Cleveland Police Union president Steve Loomis, twisting the fucking knife.
Here's the deal. Cleveland police settled the civil rights lawsuit from the family of the child they murdered for $6 million. This settlement included the usual boilerplate that Clevand police did not admit to any wrongdoing in the case, which has to be there because everyone correctly assumes that they paid $6 million because a trial would cost them a lot more once their wrongdoing was exposed. Under normal circumstances, paying out $6 million to settle a civil rights lawsuit would call for a bit of graciousness, or a little humility. But no.
Here's a thought. If you're even remotely interested in restoring public trust after a very damaging at-best-mistake-at-worst-racially-motivated-murder, maybe you shouldn't openly suggest that the family you just settled with use the money you gave them to reinforce your specific view of what caused the tragic death of their son. A view that the family certainly doesn't agree with. But you're the head of a police union. Your job isn't to restore public trust. You've taken your regular job, which is to make sure no cops in your local get unjustly fucked over by city management, and took out the word "unjustly, while replacing "city management" with "anyone who dares question you". Oh, and also added "being a complete fucking tool" to the "special skills" part of your job description.