You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Memo to Bill DeBlasio, Steve King, and Mike Huckabee: YOU ARE DUMB.
Part of being sapient is overcoming our instincts. Even if those instincts have served you well in other situations, it's important to recognize when maybe your instincts aren't in the best interest of yourself, or society, or the very concept of progress itself. When you don't recognize that, you become an IDIOT who SAYS THE DAMNDEST THINGS!
“Although the charges announced today are certainly very serious, I want to note that I’ve always known Shelly Silver to be a man of integrity, and he certainly has due rights and I think that we should let the process play out here.” - New York Mayor Bill DeBlasio, following his instinct to stand by his friends.
One of the reasons it's difficult to believe that any politicians are honest is that politicians believe their fellow politicians are honest. Which means that most of the time, they're lying, and the rest of the time, they're just stupid and wrong.
And that's why it's so imperative for politicians like Bill DeBlasio, who I want to believe is better than the median at least, to not call someone who's just been indicted on charges of taking kickbacks, as New York Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver was, a "man of integrity". Because if he's found guilty, you'll look like a fucking corrupt moron. Say you hope he didn't do it, that's fine. That's fair. Don't say he's got integrity, because he probably doesn't. He's a politician.
"#Obama perverts 'prosecutorial discretion’ by inviting a deportable to sit in place of honor at #SOTU w/1st Lady - America's Stupidest Congresscritter, Steve King, following his instinct to be a monster.
Here's an idea. Let's say you're a member of a party that has to run an ad campaign to convince the American public that they're not sociopaths, really they're not. And let's say you ostensibly support that goal, because people ostensibly don't like sociopaths, despite all political and economic evidence to the contrary.
Well, then, maybe you should fight against your natural instinct to reduce foreigners and brown people to nothing but an unpleasant, derogatory adjective, then take that reduction and tweet it about an actual 20-year-old woman, and TWEET YOUR MONSTERDOM AT THE STATE OF THE UNION. Just show a tiny bit of restraint and you can keep your human skin mask intact for another couple of days.
“In Iowa, you would not have people who would just throw the f-bomb and use gratuitous profanity in a professional setting. In New York, not only do the men do it, but the women do it! This would be considered totally inappropriate to say these things in front of a woman. But for a woman to say them in a professional setting? That's just trashy!” - Mike Huckabee, following his instinct to live in 1953.
I'd like to think we live in a world where, if a politician went to Iowa and say "None of you men would ever cuss on the job, right? That's totally unprofessional!", that the men and women of Iowa, being human beings in 2015, throw f-bombs around in a professional setting whenever they can get away with it, would reject his delusional, retrograde bullshit out of hand. I would also like a pony.
Still, I anxiously await his presidential run, if only because it will provide a valuable reference point as to just what percentage of Americans think New York gals cussing is the most important national problem we need to solve. Pity about that whole secret ballot thing.