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Memo to President Bush: YOU ARE DUMB.

The big boy finally headlines. What did it finally take for the big cheese, the top banana, the Rancher-in-Chief, to get top billing in You Are Dumb after three and a half months of columns?

Well, let's see. 70 coalition troops dead in April, or about seven per day. A couple of cities in rebel hands. A shaky cease-fire with hundreds of militants in Fallujah. And the whole thing most likely sparked by US troops shooting protestors and shutting down a newspaper. At difficult times like these, we turn to our leader for answers, for guidance, and for direction. Surely, the man whose administrators assured ut we would be cheered as liberators would have something profound to say about the recent violence.

"It was a tough week last week... I just know this, that we're plenty tough and we'll remain tough."

Ah. Right. You know, Dick Cheney's had to fly to Japan, because the taking of three Japanese hostages has put quite a bi of pressure on the government there. You know, one of the "Coalition of the Willing"? So, yeah, the Vice President, the guy who you need by your side to help with your private testimony to the 9/11 commission had to head over real quick to make sure the Japanese stay "willing" if they know what's good for 'em.

>"It was a tough week last week... I just know this, that we're plenty tough and we'll remain tough."

Interestingly, we just celebrated the one year anniversary of the toppling of the Saddam Hussein statue in that Baghdad square. Sure, there are some who say it was a carefully stage-managed event, but there's no denying that it was a strong (and VERY frequently used) image of Iraqi liberation. Also interestingly, a year later, Iraqi citizens aren't allowed to visit that square. Huh.

>"It was a tough week last week... I just know this, that we're plenty tough and we'll remain tough."

Some fun numbers have been circulating, prompted by Bush taking the majority of the past week as vacation time on his ranch in Texas. Seems Bush has spent 233 days, accounting for 40% of his entire presidential term, on vacation. During a war, no less. Of course, the White House is quick to mention that he works on those vacations. Oh, how he works. He barely has any time to have people take pictures of him clearing brush or petting cows or inviting the NRA to enjoy his little slice of Texas nature. But still, 40% seems like a bit much...

>"It was a tough week last week... I just know this, that we're plenty tough and we'll remain tough."

I dunno. It just seems to me that if you're going to use the hell out of one particular adjective, maybe you don't want to overuse "tough". A White House spokesman suggested that Americans would understand Bush wanting to spend Easter weekend with his family. I understand that part. Hey, I'm an atheist, and I spent Easter with my family. I even fed the cats of a friend who spent Easter weekend with HER family. Of course, I didn't take any days off work to do it. She only took three. Seems to me a guy with Air Force One at his beck and call does not need to take seven days off work. He's the PRESIDENT. He does not need a Sunday stayover to qualify for DISCOUNT FARES.

It just seems to me that if the country you've occupied under false pretenses for a year now suddenly explodes in violence, you might wanna look at your schedule and see if perhaps flying down Saturday morning isn't an option, what with everything going to shit and all. On the other hand, it was a tough week last week, and he just knows this, that we're plenty tough and we'll remain tough.

Did I say "tough"? I meant DUMB.

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