Good Toys, Bad Toys, And Awful People

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Memo to a bunch of unrelated stuff: YOU ARE DUMB.

It's awards season, and for various reasons, I have a bit less apathy about it than I usually do. Not enough apathy to fill all three slots on SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY, mind you. Let's not get crazy here. But enough for two. And then a topical political news thing because I always have one of those on deck. Let's get to it.

How white are this year's Oscar nominations? So white that you can't get a nomination even if you're bright yellow.

I would not have an issue with the Oscars not nominating The LEGO Movie if there were only four movies on the list, and those four movies were Boxtrolls, Song of the Sea, Tale of Princess Kaguya, and How to Train Your Dragon 2. I mean, I wouldn't have put Dragon 2 on there, but I can see where people would. Wrong people, but understandably wrong people.

But Big Hero 6 is also on that list, and I'm sorry, but there's no fucking way. The only possible explanation is that every single Academy voter watched Big Hero 6 on a plane, and that weird overly emotional reaction stuff I've heard people have watching stuff on planes kicked in and they were moved by a bog-standard team dynamics origin story. With an admittedly funny robot.


The Razzies, as per usual, were much more accurate, awarding seven out of eight possible nominations to Transformers: Age of Extinction, which was not only the worst movie I saw last year, but which made it into the five worst movies I've ever seen, up there with Batman and Robin and The Glass Jungle.

Most of you wisely avoided watching Transformers 4, because you thought you knew how bad it was going to be, and certainly that would have been bad enough to not watch it. But I'm here to tell you that you are wrong. Because I thought knew. I never really saw the first three, but I'd heard about them and seen trailers and stumbled across a few minutes here or there on basic cable and figured I knew what I was in for. I did not. Every second of it is wrong and there are nearly TEN THOUSAND SECONDS OF IT.


And finally, I hope you're ready for another go-round of ideas that make perfect sense and shouldn't be political becoming political for no good reason beyond the fact that we have to make everything political. Because Obama's pushing for paid sick leave.

I don't understand why Republicans, who've devoted decades to ensuring that the majority of us live in essentially a subsistence economy, wouldn't be in favor of paid sick leave just out of unenlightened self-interest. Because no matter how hard you try, you're going to have to come into contact with the hordes of peons and serfs your policies have created.

And many of those peons will be teeming with disease, because they can't stay home sick, because subsistence economy. So, you know. You could support paid sick leave, or you could spend the same amount of money that sick leave would cost you on Purell and take your fucking chances. Your call.

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