You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.
Memo to Scott Walker, Scott Walker, and of course, Scott Walker: YOU ARE DUMB.
Scott Walker has joined the Suicide Squad at Lucky Number Fifteen! What's that you say? Fifteen's not a lucky number? Scott Walker isn't interested in your fancy number-larnin'. Scott Walker makes up his own numbers, beats you up, takes your numbers away, then tells you you're doing great. And when you try to show him poll numbers, he'll do the same thing, because he's the fifteenth presidential IDIOT capable of SAYING THE DAMNDEST THINGS!
"The left claims that they’re for American workers and they’ve just got just really lame ideas – things like the minimum wage.” - Scott Walker, showing off both his vast vocabulary and his keen grasp fo economic issues.
Oh, what a burn. Those Democrats with their totally lame ideas like ensuring that companies who already are doing everything in their power to pay their employees as little as possible aren't able to pay them even less. Bogus. You sure showed us.
Keep in mind that this is Scott Walker, the mighty union buster, the mighty tax cutter, the mighty tenure crusher. Basically, if you work in a job that isn't Being Governor of Wisconsin, Scott Walker wants you to get fucked. It's a bold platform for a presidential candidate. Maybe he can be Jeb's running mate! Every time Scott Walker cuts your wages, Jeb can tell you to work longer hours! Bush-Walker '16! Take our Confederate flags away and we'll eventually make the American flag represent slavery again!
"I have had a lifelong commitment to the Scouts and support the previous membership policy because it protected children and advanced Scout values." - Scott Walker, firmly establishing his wrong-side-of-history bonafides.
Scott Walker has decided to run to the right of pretty much everyone. And when he can't run to the right of pretty much everyone, he can claim that they're just saying they'd do all this horrible shit, while he's already done it and turned Wisconsin into the cheese-filled Objectivist utopia it is today.
Here, of course, Walker is running to the right by claiming that gay people become Boy Scout leaders so that they can molest young children, which is some 1996-level homophobia right there. Coincides nicely with his Wayne's World insults. He's basically Donald Trump without the panache or an excuse for why his hair looks so bad.
"We reduced taxes by $2 billion and lowered taxes on individuals, employers and property. In fact, property taxes are lower today than they were in 2010. How many Governors can say that?” - Scott Walker, proving he's a governor who can say that.
I bet all fifty governors could say that. Many of them would be lying, but it's not like Scott Walker invented a tax-cut tongue-twister or something. Most of them wouldn't want to say it because, well, the consequences of that are consistent and obvious. In Wisconsin's case, a $2.2 billion budget deficit. Which Walker conveniently fails to mention.
You know how I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Wisconsin is facing a $2.2 billion budget deficit? When I googled "Wisconsin budget deficit", I found two articles from a right-wing group loudly proclaiming that "the left" has made up the $2.2 billion number and that $2.2 billion is only the difference between revenues and how much money state agencies say they need to do their jobs. If those agencies had just submitted fiscally conservative budgets like Walker asked them to, you see, the budget shortfall would disappear! And it's not like these state agencies do anything, anyway.