You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Memo to Steve Vaillancourt, Christopher Nolan, and Anthony Culler: YOU ARE DUMB.
Tropes, being tropes, will reassert themselves whether we want them to or not. You can call yourself inclusive until the cows come home, but when the cows get there and you cross the street to avoid them, we'll all know you're intolerant to cows. And yes, that metaphor got away from me there, just a bit, but at least I didn't try to work the cows being bad fathers into the intro for this week's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!
"Let’s be honest. Does anyone not believe that Congressman Annie Kuster is as ugly as sin? And I hope I haven’t offended sin. If looks really matter and if this race is at all close, give a decided edge to Marilinda Garcia." - New Hampshire state rep Steve Vaillancourt, keeping it classy.
Yeah, what war on women? Let's just talk about a woman's appearance as a qualification for the job, based upon a "study" you heard about on that bastion of accuracy, Fox's "Red Eye". And then, when called on it, say it's all fine because it's based on science!
Vaillancourt, as a Republican, has a typically odd vision of science that rejects any evidence that contradicts his belief. For example, how Vaillancourt managed to win an election despite looking like a ham with severe male pattern baldness and the facial features of Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If we're talking ugliness and sin, after all.
"For me, the whole movie is about what it means to be a dad.” - Christopher Nolan, being part of the problem.
No, no, it's not. Or at least it shouldn't be. I thought Interstellar was a movie about looking for a new habitable planet to colonize. You know how many movies there have been about looking for a new habitable planet to colonize? Startlingly few. You know how many movies are about what it means to be a dad? DAMN NEAR ALL OF THEM. Or at least damn near all the ones made by men.
We get it, directors. You work long hours. You wish you were home more with your kids. You feel guilty. Tell it to your therapist. Tell it to your kids. Movie audiences are, for the most part, neither. You're going to tell me the man who put next to no recognizable style or emotion into three goddamned Batman movies is suddenly going to inject classic Unresolved Daddy Issues into his space epic? For fuck's sake.
"Same-sex couples that seek to destroy our way of life and the institution of marriage are NOT cute and cuddly but rather (for those of you that are old enough to remember the movie), Gremlins that will only destroy our way of life. These people are bullies and now that they are winning their true and hateful nature is much easier to see and hear.” - Republican congressional candidate Anthony Culler, staying classy.
I have some news for Andrew Cullen that will save him a certain amount of time in the future. If anyone is actually taking what you have to say seriously, they're old enough to remember "Gremlins". Also, Analogy University called, and they want their diploma back, and also that's not a diploma, it's just a mockup you made using Microsoft Word and crayon after drinking way too much cheap whiskey and catching a rerun of "Gremlins 2: The New Batch" on deep cable.
Still, if you look at this quote aside from the ludicrous elements of it, which I know is difficult, the level of desperation there is heartening. Because what he's saying is, gay people aren't the nice, likable human beings you all have gotten to know over the years despite our best attempts to keep them demonized and hidden, really they're not. They're zany monsters who will murder your cranky grandmothers in a hilariously PG manner. Told you it was difficult to set aside the ludicrous parts.