You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.
Memo to Max Roscoe: WHAT ABOUT THE ONES YOU'RE TELLING YOURSELF?
It's that time agian! Men's Rights Monday, 2016's deep dive into the cauldron of garbage people that is the Men's Rights Movement, as exemplified by general-purpose wingnuttery with occasional andro-supremacy website Return Of Kings.
Today's shit-sample is a lovely piece entitled "4 Colossal Lies Men Have Been Told Since birth". Right off the bat, we have the hallmark of men's writes I pointed out last week, the Unrealistic Modifier. Right off the bat, these aren't just lies, they're COLOSSAL lies. Amazing colossal lies. Now, even after just a couple of weeks of this, you probably have a a good idea of what those lies might be. But let's go through them anyway.
The first lie is that "men and women are equal". Now, when normal assholes want to be sexist without being sexist, they use "equal" to mean "the same", then go into full-on biological determinism while proclaiming the specialness of each biologically determined specialty, from lifting heavy objects for men to breastfeeding babies for women.
Max Roscoe is not a normal asshole. Max Roscoe is a garbage person. He is also thick as a very thick thing indeed very bad at making sense, so let me try and unpack his claims. First, that the army may have stopped promoting women to general after they reached 69 because ooooo mutual oral sex. Second, that Army soldiers are uggos who would make lousy wives. Three, "dwarves and midgets" shouldn't be firefighters, and four, "women couldn't have stopped Hitler".
That is literally it. I'm sure you, like me, thought these examples might be leading to some weird pseudological conclusion, probably starting with an "Ergo", that would form these disparate not-even-data points into fake proof that men and women aren't equal. Nope! It's just "69", "lousy wives", "dwarves and midgets", and "Hitler". And then we move on to lie 2, " Gender is nonbinary and fluid".
Let's get this right out of the way. This is not a lie that's being told to men since their birth. The mainstreaming of the idea of gender fluidity is still a VERY new thing and something that meets with pushback from the general unenlightened popuation, not just hommes des ordeurs.
Here, what follows is exactly what you'd expect. A traditional tirade against pronoun enforcement, a defense of genetically programmed chromosomal gender, trans as mental illness. The usual litany of people inexplicably threatened by other people not being forced to be unhappy, and irritated at tiny accommodations needed to their limited, set-in-stone thinking in order to keep from pissing off other humans.
Lie 3 takes a weird turn into "democracy is great". Now, unless I missed something, Return of Kings' title isn't meant to be strictly literal, but a reference to men being restored to their "rightful place" on top of the social food chain. Anyway, democracy is bad because stupid peole voted for social change, and also because not enough stupid people vote, and also because a bunch of other institutions like schools and churches and corporations and, back in the good old days, FAMILIES, weren't run as popularity contests. And since all schools, churches, companies, and families did pefectly with their appointed, unpopular leaders, democracy sucks. Deal with it.
And finally, lie 4, "women are precious little snowflakes'. This is one of those things that are mostly too toxic to be funny, so I'm not going to summarize the points made, I'm just going to elucidate the mindset at play here in two quotes. The first is what the writer intended to say as the opening thesis of this lie, and will give you a clear idea of what we're working with, in case you were wondering. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!
"Even while women have redefined themselves as butch, buzz cut wearing, cursing, tattooed, pierced, masculine, empowered career drones who can slut around as much as they want until they decide to settle down with a nice guy, they have somehow been able to retain this idea that they are the gentler sex."
Right. So we've got someone mad about putting women on a pedestal, and treating them nice, and waiting for their so-called consent, and shit like that. Garbage par for the garbage course. But the payoff comes three paragraphs later, with two glorious, revealing sentences that the author thinks help him make his point, but instead expose what we all know to be at the root of the entire Men's Rights movement. ACTUAL SUPER-AWESOME QUOTE TIME!
"I can count on my pinky finger the number of times a woman has done something romantic or creative for me, and that was in high school. I don’t imagine that any of my exes ever think about me. "
That's OK, little buddy. You'll show them. You'll show them all, someday.