You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.
Memo to racists: NOW IS YOUR TIME.
I don't mean that now that Trump is the nominee, it's racists' time to shine, although that's also true. No, what I mean is that with the Republican primary over (a fact I'm still coming to grips with, honestly), I have purged the research pile of almost all my primary stuff, and what was left, not counting bathroom bill stuff, had a distinctly racist lean. And surprisingly, it's not all bad news. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!
For example, in L.A., the good news is, a racist cop got fired. The bad news is, before he got found out through a bunch of really racist e-mails, Tom Angel was the #2 cop in the L.A. County sheriff's office. And you know what? If you wanna be a racist accountant, that's fine by me (relatively speaking, of course). If you wanna be a racist truck driver, I won't try to stop you. But there are way too many racist cops, because there's more than one racist cop.
Also, can we stop using "nobody who'd be offended was supposed to see it" as an excuse? Or, as Angel put it, "Anybody in the workplace unfortunately forwards emails from time to time that they probably shouldn't have forwarded, I apologize if I offended anybody, but the intent was not for the public to have seen these jokes."
The issue isn't that the public was offended by the jokes, asshole. The issue is that the public was ofended that you thought they were funny. Not only were they racist, they were the usual shit-quality racist "humor" that you'd expect from racist joke e-mails. Good thing for Angel that L.A. has a $15 minimum wage.
The bad news is Old Navy put out an ad featuring an interracial couple, and a bunch of racist trolls gave them shit about it on Twitter. So apparently, even people who somehow still think the mixing of the races is worth commenting on in twenty-fucking-sixteen can figure out how to use Twitter.
But in the good news, Old Navy didn't give a fuuuuuuuck. And even in the modern media landscape, nobody with any authority gave the shitheads any credibility at all or suggested that Old Navy did anything wrong. Not even on Fox and Friends. As far as I know, at least. And it's always nice to confirm that at least some racist bullshit hasn't crept back into the realm of acceptable public discourse.
And finally, shout-out to Alabama Secretary of State John Merrill for the least convincing backpedal on a defense of slavery ever. Objecting to the removal of Confederate bullshit from state property, he said, “Are you going to take a bulldozer to the monument and forget what people fought for to preserve a way of life that makes us special and unique?” Which, of course, totally means slavery.
You know what it doesn't mean? It doesn't mean the South's unique "independent spirit", which is what Merrill said he meant all along. He went on to explain how Alabama takes care of itself and doesn't rely on help from the federal government, which as we all know, is totally what the Confederacy was about. Merrill did not say how his analogy applies to the 41 other states who get less federal aid as a percentage of their budget than Alabama does. If only you could buy school supplies with lies about independent spirit.