Thanks, Hackers!

« August 2015 »

Memo to the Josh Duggar and Save Yourself Survival and Tactical Gear: HA HA HA HA HA.

Longtime readers of this site know that there's nothing I enjoy more than laughing at the misfortunes of deserving assholes. Which means it's time for another SCHADEN TOPIC MONKEY FREUDAY!

HA HA HA HA HA HA, fuck you, Josh Duggar.

It seems like only yesterday that ardent fans of the quiverfull, sisterdiddle Duggar clan were telling us all that Josh Duggar had learned from his childhood mistakes, sought and received forgiveness from Jeeeeeeeesus, and was an upstanding member of society, happily married and raising children and telling people how to live their lives.

And then, I presume, he was watching the news a few weeks back and did a double-take. "They hacked WHAT?", I imagine him asking, before recovering and saying something about sinning adulterers. And then a couple of days ago, a similar scenario. "Hackers released WHAT?" And then, on Wednesday: "They found WHAT?" Luckily, as of yesterday, my speculation regarding Duggar's words ended. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"I have secretly over the last several years been viewing pornography on the internet and this became a secret addiction and I became unfaithful to my wife." - Josh Duggar's original Facebook statement.

The statement was later revised to remove the reference to Internet porn. I'd love to think it's because someone took Josh aside and explain to him that an "addiction" to Internet porn doesn't cause you to cheat on your wife, but I bet it was because his target audience is more forgiving of adultery than it is of masturbation. Anyway, hacking's bad, releasing of private information is bad, but if three wrongs don't necessarily make a right, they at least make for glorious schadenfreude.

And while we're talking about hilarious bad things happening to horrible people in horrible places, let's take a moment to discuss the Second-Wingnuttiest Place on Earth, "Save Yourself Survival and Tactical Gear", in Oktaha, Oklahoma, not to be confused with the Wingnuttiest Place On Earth, Florida Gun Supply.

The differences are subtle, but important. Both are gun stores. Both have banned Muslims from the premises. The Oklahoma store has the advantage of being in Oklahoma, but the Florida store is selling Confederate Flag prints painted by George Zimmerman, so it "wins".

Still, I applaud the Oklahoma store's attempt to close the gap, first by having a name so ridiculous you're disappointed that Glenn Beck isn't trying to sell you gold and seeds from a kiosk in front of it, and second, by having some dumbfuck Bubba drop his gun and shoot himself in the wrist there. That's a level of committment to stupidity you don't see every day.

And by the way, we only have their word that that's how the accident happened - We also have the word of a local sheriff, who basically said that the open-carry yahoos "guarding" the store after its anti-Muslim stance were a bunch of fucking yahoos, and actually said "It's like the Clampetts have come to town", which may actually be worse than my paraphrase. Keep working at it, Save Yourself Survival and Tactical Gear". Maybe you can start carrying some anti-abortion taxidermy made by Ted Nugent.

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