You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.
Memo to Bill O'Reilly, Mike Gambrell, and Charles Kelly Barrowhead: TOUGH SHIT:
I've got bad news and I've got good news. The bad news is, even though I spent a lot of Monday's bonus IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS talking about the Confederate flag issue, I'm going to do the same today. The good news is, it's because in the last couple of days, the political tide has turned dramatically. So dramatically that a few key assholes have been caught flat-footed.
"You know as well as I do that it represents, to some, bravery in the Civil War because the Confederates fought hard... But that's what it represents. You're right historically, but in their minds, that's what it represents. And in your mind it represents hate. So, and everybody should know what the two sides are believing.” - Bill O'Reilly, fighting a losing battle.
That's not where we are, Bill-O. We've always been aware of the Heritage Delusion. That the flag represented bravery, or history, or really anything other than treason, secession, and racism. What's happening now is that that particular brand of Neo-Confederate bullshit is no longer politically or socially viable. I have long wondered what it would take for America to finally shove neo-Confederacy out of the Overton Window, and while the answer is "too much", at least it appears to be happening.
I mean, you fuckers lost WAL-MART. And Amazon, and eBay. Nobody gives a shit what you think that flag, or that bust of the founder of the Klan, or that statue of Jefferson Davis represents. The benefits of letting you keep your delusion have finally been outweighed by the costs, even to Southern Republicans. The Heritage Delusion has become a political and economic liability, and nothing can survive that.
"There is a time and place for that decision. I don’t think it is right now.” " South Carolina lawmaker Mike Gambrell, hoping to run out the clock.
I am fully aware that right now, declaring the death of neo-Confederacy is a classic case of poultry inventory based entirely on an embryonic data set. And so do lawmakers like Mike Gambrell. There's a momentum here, and a promise to hold the debate at a later date is just a promise to wait until that momentum tapers off and something else captures the nation's attention. And you know, maybe a year from now, Wal-Mart will start carrying a few Confederate flag items here or there and nobody will notice.
But right now, we're on the cusp of solving one of the easiest, most-obvious glaring problems in America, so yes, the time for debate is right now, because right now we can achieve a long-overdue victory. Anyway, go fuck yourself. You've already had your Confederate flag for 150 years longer than you deserved. Bow to the pressure. You had a good run, pigfuckers.
"I'm concerned because this is a mass hysteria on anything Confederate, whether it is South Carolina or Georgia, or I got calls from what’s happening in Washington state and Alabama. It’s all over and it just seems like a feeding frenzy. It’s wrong and it’s tragic that they’re taking something that happened in South Carolina -- a tragedy -- and people are trying to make political statements.” - Charles Kelly Barrowhead of the Sons of Confederate Veterans, whose self-declared "commander in chief" title I will in no way legitimize by using.
I'm going to agree with this asshole on one key point. It is not, technically, fair for Republicans to be throwing neo-Confederates under the bus right now. This is roughly the equivalent of a bunch of six-foot-eight guys taking baseball bats to a seven-foot-tall guy and then proclaiming their solidarity with the short. You're getting thrown out of the party because, as the most racist, the very racist can shun you to make themselves look better. And that sucks. And it's got to hurt. But it's OK, because, as awful fucking specimens of humanity, you've earned it.
But let's be clear. What's happening is not mass hysteria. What's happening is that, for four decades, you and yours have been the cultural equivalent of a dog owner who lets their dog shit all over the neighbor's sidewalk. And we haven't confronted you about it because, well, we're busy, and you're kind of an asshole, and every four years or so, you help one of us out with something. But, and I realize I'm letting the metaphor's getting a bit away from me here, your dog's last shit had nine dead people in it, so we're finally motivated to do something about it instead of scraping you off our shoes and going on with our lives.