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Memo to Mike Huckabee, Rudy Giuliani, and Ben Carson: WE ALL DO OUR PARTS.

There's really no way to be surprised. After the initial Ferguson shooting, when a bunch of people got upset, a bunch of white people decided it was their job to explain why the upset people shouldn't be upset. And now that the Darren Wilson grand jury decision has come down in the favor of authority and the status quo, the white people have come forward again to explain why you shouldn't be upset. And yes, I know that Ben Carson isn't a white person, but he plays one on TV. IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"I’m old enough to have seen this mob justice mindset before -- from lynch mobs who didn’t like the legal process, so they took the law into their own hands... You don’t see any monuments to Bull Connor or the killers of Medgar Evers. Look, everyone has the right to protest. But you don’t have the right to become so inflamed that you embrace the very injustice you’re protesting." - Mike Huckabee, condescending dickhead.

Fun historical fact. The death toll from lynch mobs? At least 66, based on the number of pages on lynch mob incidents in Wikipedia. Death toll of the Medgar Evers murder? One. Death toll of the events that sparked the Ferguson protests? Death toll of all the event that sparked the Ferguson protests? One. Death toll of the Ferguson protests to date, nationwide? Zero.

To any reasonable person, that would be an important distinction when you're looking for something to compare the Ferguson protests to. If you're going to say they're as bad as lynch mobs, you'd better find some more victims than police car windows. If you're going to accuse them of the same kind of injustice that killed Medgar Evers and Michael Brown, you'd better have more in your intellectual holster than Huckabee's weaksauce attempt at racial false-equivalency jujitsu.

"White police officers wouldn’t be there,” Giuliani said, “if you weren’t killing each other.” - Rudy Giuliani, to Michael Eric Dyson, on Meet The Press.

Speaking of condescending dickheads. I'm pretty sure one of the classic definitions of racism is taking a person of a particular race, say, Michael Eric Dyson, and claiming he's responsible for black-on-black crime, and therefore bringing white police officers into the black community where they then have no choice but to shoot black people. But then, we all knew Rudy Giuliani was racist.

That said, I do need to address the black-on-black crime thing. There is a subtle tell, a sort of subtextual indicator, that someone doesn't give a shit about black-on-black crime. It's them talking on national television about how concerned they are about black-on-black crime. And more specifically, trying to imply they care morre about it than other people, which somehow makes up for them caring less about white-on-black or cop-on-black crime (or both) as those other people. If it weren't for false equivalency, these people wouldn't have any equivalency at all.

"I think a lot of it really got started in the ’60s with the ‘me generation.’ 'What’s in it for me?’ I hate to say it, but a lot of it had to do with the women’s lib movement. You know, ‘I’ve been taking care of my family, I’ve been doing that, what about me?’ You know, it really should be about us." - Ben Carson, who I must once again remind you, is legally allowed to cut open people's heads and poke at whatever he finds in there.

Ben Carson is contemplating a run for President, and this is one more reason we should all wholeheartedly encourage him, because clearly, he doesn't hate saying "women's lib movement" enough to not fucking say "women's lib movement" in the year 20-goddamned-14. I think that's the kind of rock-solid entertainment you can only get from a GOP primary process.

Of course, it's easy to say it should be about "us" when you're the half of the us that gets to live the life you want to live, pursuing a career, having financial independence, and not having to wash dishes or wipe asses. It's a bit tougher to be "about us" when it's been decided for you that your role in "us" is broodmare and nanny. And also none of this has anything to do with police abuse of power. Not everything is the fault of the late '60s. Although Ben Carson not being marginalized because of his race is, I admit, totally the late '60s fault, but it was still worth it.

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