Period Pieces

« August 2015  

Memo to Donald Trump, Erick Erickson, and Megyn Kelly: YOU ARE ALL LYING.

The latest Trump pontifigurd that is still not affecting his poll numbers in the slightest is, of course, his implication that Megyn Kelly was mean to him during last Thursday's debate because she was having her womanly time. She was of the moon, as it were. Trump explained his comments, Erick Erickson took a strong stand, Megyn Kelly responded to criticism, and all three of them lied out their fucking asses because IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"I didn’t even finish the thought. I was going to say nose and/or ears because that’s a very common statement … it’s a statement showing anger." - Donald Trump, swearing he didn't mean that Megyn Kelly was on the rag.

There are a lot of mysteries surrounding Donald Trump and his candidacy. What can he possibly say that will make his supporters dump him for probably Ted Cruz? No, seriously, what the fuck is that on top of his head? Will he win the Latino vote? All ineffable.

But you know what's not a mystery? The number of obscure turns of phrase Donald Trump has at his disposal during interviews? That remains at a solid zero. So the odds of Trump actually intending to use the phrase "she had blood coming out of her eyes and nose" to signify anger? The first ever imaginary number in odds-making history. The square root of negative bullshit.

"As much as I do personally like Donald Trump, his comment about Megyn Kelly on CNN is a bridge too far for me. There are just real lines of decency a person running for President should not cross." - Erick Erickson, taking a strong stand against crude insults towards women.

I'm sorry, Erick Erickson, but have you met RedState founder Erick Erickson? Because the Erick Erickson I know wouldn't know a line of decency if he accidentally snorted it. Erick Erickson wouldn't recognize a bridge too far if the bridge got really close to him, explained to him the concepts of both bridging and distance, then walked too far away from him and texted him, Grover-style, NOW I'M TOO FAR.

Erick Erickson has spent most of his adult life calling feminists ugly and dateless, supporting Trump when Trump was attacking Rosie O'Donnell, and in general, just being Erick Erickson, a waste of otherwise worthwhile natural resources who's hiring by CNN a few years ago actually made the punditocracy look worse than it already had. If anyone should get their hand caught in a rat trap every time they reach for a bit of mainstream respectability, it's this asshat.

"We were trying to drill down to their most vulnerable areas and then give them a chance to explain them and also give the audience the chance to see how they would handle that,” Kelly explained. “The job is to get past the talking points and go to the place they might be the most vulnerable ... and then give them the chance to knock that ball back to us." - Megyn Kelly, explaining how the debate questions weren't an attack on Trump.

Oh, give me a fucking break. I watched the first half of the debate, and the very first question, out of the gate, was designed to get the audience pissed at Trump. Asking everyone to pledge not to run a third-party campaign knowing Trump would refuse is the Fox debate equivalent of coming out to the ring and insulting the local sports team. It's cheap heat.

And I get it. Fox serves many masters, and some of those masters find Donald Trump inconvenient as fuck. But as the saying goes, you come at the clown pretending he's a king, you best not miss. And with Trump's poll numbers unchanged, Fox and Trump had to make nice, and it was Fox who backed down. At least for now.

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