You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Memo to Tucker Carlson, Rick Santorum, and Ben Stein: THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME OF THE TRUE MEANING OF ELECTION DAY.
Midterm results are just beginning to come in as I write this, and I'm doing my best not to pay attention to them because, well, I'm sure I'll see summaries tomorrow morning that will save me a lot of time. But I shouldn't forget the true meaning of Election Day, which is why I'm devoting today to IDIOTS who, by SAYING TH DAMNDEST THINGS, tell us what yesterday was really about.
"We need an older white guy appreciation day. I think they’ve done a lot for this country. Penicillin! That’s a contribution. - Tucker Carlson, addressing complaints that the Republican Party is too old, white, and male.
Really, what is Election Day if not Older White Guy Appreciation Day? As I write this, Mitch McConnell is predicted to win Kentucky over his younger, much less guy opponent. If that's not appreciating him for being old and white, I don't know what is, because, well,, Mitch McConnell.
I will, of course, leave the reasons for Tucker Carlson's deep and ballfelt appreciation for penicillin to the imaginations of the readership, but he's not wrong. Why, older white guys have done almost as much for this country as they've done to this country. And to non-old non-white non-guys. Probably more than half as much. I'm not keeping score, because, well, I'm an older white guy and I don't have to.
"Germany prior to the Nazis getting there was a very religious country, was a Christian country. It was a very sophisticated country. Same thing here. You think it’s just impossible for that to happen in America. And maybe it is, but maybe it isn’t.” - Rick Santorum, like he do.
Election Day is also the day when white Christians in power stay white Christians in power by pretending that at any moment, they could be white Christians so far out of power that they coulld be persecuted like the Nazis persecuted Christians, which, comparatively speaking, wasn't all that bad, now that I think aboout it.
Also, I'm a bit irritated with Santorum's false modesty here. He calls America a sophisticated country, which I think drastically undersells the effect Santorum has had on this great nation over the years. Rick Santorum should step up and take credit for America's lack of sophistication. He's worked hard enough for it.
"The president is the most racist president there has ever been in America. He is purposely trying to use race to divide Americans. What the White House is trying to do is racialize all politics and they’re especially trying to tell the African-American voter that the GOP is against letting them have a chance at a good life in this economy, and that’s just a complete lie.” - Ben Stein, like he do too.
Ignore, to the extent that you can, the idea that Obama using race to divide Americans is somehow worse than the dozens of American presidents who used race to divide Americans into property and not-property. Horrible white people often think like that, and Ben Stein is definitely in the top one percent in that demographic.
Instead, let's think about Election Day. Because white victimhood has been part of Election Day forever. One of the most notorious political ads in recent history, the Willie Horton ad, was all about white victimhood, and that tactic has been repeated, over and over, in elections since. Ben Stein is part of a grand tradition, and he's almost supernaturally good at it. Like some sort of, I don't know. Grand wizard?