A Monster-Enlarging Process

« November 2015  

Memo to Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, and Jeb Bush: STILL AWFUL.

It's difficult not to want to keep talking about Ben Carson, especially in light of the reporting that it's possible his weird Yale test story might have been a prank by the Yale humor publication that he not only fell for, but continues to fall for decades later. Which, if true, is AMAZING, and if not true, is still only slightly less AMAZING. But they're all awful, and this week's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS takes a look at ways the process makes awful people even more awful.

"In New Jersey, we have early voting that are available to people. I don’t want to expand it and increase the opportunities for fraud.” - Chris Christie, explaining a few months ago his reasoning behind this week's veto of a voting-rights bill in New Jersey.

Does Chris Christie really think automatic voter registration and early voting creates opportunities for fraud? Probably not. Christie's brand of Republican is a more calculating kind of awful. But Chris Christie is running for president, and even though his candidacy is clearly doomed, and has been for months, he still has to veto a voting rights law, because if he signs it, he'll be accused of colluding with the melanin-enhanced to fraud Republicans out of office.

So, the people of New Jersey suffer, not in the normal way, by having Christie as governor, but in a "value-added" way, if you will - by having a far-right-pandering Christie as governor even though that pandering will never be enough to win the hearts of the people who saw him hug Barack Obama that one time. Real suffering and real injustice from a fantasy campaign. Yet another example of American exceptionalism, I guess.

"We shouldn't be signing up new people to the program... we're not going to extend the program... It cannot be the permanent policy of the United States." - Marco Rubio on DACA, the program that prevents children brought to the United States illegally by their parents from being deported.

Now, in the ellipses, there was a bit of nonsense about how he hopes DACA will be replaced by a mythical immigration reform unicorn that you can imagine does nice things for the "Dreamers", but whether or not that unicorn is discovered, Marco Rubio wants these people out of the country. Or wants you to think he wants those people out of the country, which is the same thing.

Marco Rubio, if you may recall, was the "moderate on immigration" candidate. Apparently, being moderate on immigration now means shitting all over the perfectly sensible and humane idea that you shouldn't deport people who've been in the United States their entire lives through no fault of their own and have no life in or connections to their country of origin to return to. All so Rubio can beg forgiveness from the racist assholes determining the Republican nominee, forgiveness that, as with Christie, will never materialize.

"Hell yeah, I would! You gotta step up, man. It could have a dangerous effect on everything else, but I’d do it—I mean, Hitler." - John Ellis Bush Will Fix It Bush, answering the Huffington Post's question regarding whether or not, given a time machine, he would kill baby Hitler.

Now, I freely admit that, unlike the previous two examples, this is a purely theoretical form of awfulness. And I don't necessarily agree or disagree with Jeb's moral calculus on how best to "fix it". Hitler was less than ideal as a person, after all. I might take issue with the cavalier way he arrived at the decision, and his apparent disregard for the fundamental integrity of the space-time continuum, but I'm really more interested in what this campaign is doing to Jeb (Will Fix It).

First, he got asked the question in the first place. And yeah, it was the Huffington Post, but still. Come on. Don't ask Jeb what he would do with a time machine. Ask Ben Carson. But more importantly, Jeb felt compelled to answer it, instead of dodging it or dismissing it. And even more importantly, Jeb felt the need to answer it in as brainlessly macho way that little marshmallow man could. This is what the American political process does. It turns people against Hitler in a bad way. That shouldnt have even been possible.

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