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Lazy Twitter Week II: The Finale

« June 2014 »

Memo to the hundred and forty first character: YOU ARE DUMB.

We're into one of these content lulls again, where the things that are happening are such retreads of the kinds of thing that are always happening that I can't find any hook in them to even pretend I'm saying new things. So, since it's been a full nine months since I pulled this, so we're going to do the second ever Lazy Twitter Week. The way this works is, each day, I spend the day cranking out tweets based on the news of the day and then the next day I compile them here for those of you who don't read the Twitter account. Regular service should resume next week.

Rick Perry says being gay is like being alcoholic, a position I’m sure in his mind is compassionate and not dumb and patronizing at all.

Iraq’s descending into chaos. On a related note, John McCain is holed up in his house, refusing to surrender his “The Surge Worked” trophy.

New study shows “cool kids” become troubled adults, which is emotionally satisfying until you consider who does studies about “cool kids”.

Someone’s invented a “smart corset” that turns transparent the more you’re online, which strikes me as creepy and sexist.

How about a corset that turns more OPAQUE whenever you’re near anyone who’s used the #notallmen hashtag unironically?

Ubisoft said it’d be too time consuming/expensive to put women in the new Assassin’s Creed. Um, coder nerds will put tits on stuff for free.

Telling someone they’re wrong, they shouldn’t have been wrong, and they should stop being wrong doesn’t make you “thought police”.

And neither does suggesting to a media outlet that maybe they should shitcan someone who can’t stop being wrong. That’s just common sense.

Timing is everything. If you said Iraq would descend into chaos two years ago, genius. Ten years ago, filthy hippie. NEVER ENOUGH BOMBS.

I hope that when I’m 90, I’ve got it in me to jump out of a plane and also have an inexplicably clear conscience for all the shit I’ve done.

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