Idiots Say The Damndest Things - Bonus Edition

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Awfulness, Unabated

Memo to Mike Huckabee, Pat Buchanan, and Steve Chmelar: YOU ARE DUMB.

OK, let's get right into it. Saturday. Bonus column. IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"HUCKABEE: You know, if you’ve kept up with the Middle East, you know that the most likely time to have an uprising of rock throwing and rioting comes on the day of prayer on Friday. So the Muslims will go to the mosque, and they will have their day of prayer, and they come out of there like uncorked animals — throwing rocks and burning cars." - Mike Huckabee, because nobody gives a shit what you say on the radio.

Remember back in 2008 when Mike Huckabee was positioned as the nice one? The unthreatening, nonjudgmental, happy, inclusive Christian who just did pushups and had a totally-not-creepy covenant marriage with his wife?

Imagine if we'd believed that? Imagine if we'd elected him to higher office? He'd probably be starting wars with Middle Eastern countries and keeping Guantanamo open.

Snark aside, horrible, horrible wastes of oxygen like Mike Huckabee are why it's so maddening to have to vote for a moderate Republican with an expiration date on his Nobel Peace Prize, and why it's gratifying AND maddening that he won. "Uncorked animals". For fuck's sake.

"If we go back to the end of World War II, 90 percent of black families consisted of a mother and father and children raised and disciplined by their parents. The churches to which these families went on Sundays were stronger. Black schools may have been largely segregated, but they were also the transmission belts of patriotism and traditional values rooted in biblical truths and a Christian faith. Though such schools graduated hardworking, law-abiding and productive citizens, today they would be closed as unconstitutional." - Pat Buchanan, knowing once again what's best for black people.

This is just your occasional reminder that Pat Buchanan is an unreconstructed white supremacist, no matter how many times Rachel Maddow smiled at him on MSNBC over the years.

Although it does raise an interesting question. If black people, kept away from white people by white people, were full of Jesus and Uncle Sam and work ethics and education, what the fuck is wrong with white people that they're such a bad influence?

I mean, I know what's wrong with Pat Buchanan that he's such a bad influence. It's the screaming racism thing. But Pat Buchanan didn't personally ruin black America by integrating with them. It's 2013 and he's still not integrated with them. So it must be the rest of the white people that are the problem. Sorry, white people. I guess Pat Buchanan hates you, too.

"He said: 'I would say that it certainly misrepresented its intent to encourage team support. She took an honorable icon that is seen in sporting venues everywhere and degraded it." - Steve Chmelar, inventor of the foam finger, on Miley Cyrus' VMA performance.

I don't know how this quote happened. I don't know if a reporter, looking for an angle on Miley Cyrus she somehow failed to show at the VMAs, went to Wikipedia to learn the identity of the inventor of the foam finger, learned it was Steve Chmelar, and contacted him for an interview. I don't know if Chmelar, after hearing about the Miley Cyrus Incident, sought out media attention. And I don't care.

All I know is this. If humanity didn't have a rapidly dwindling average level of self-awareness, the instant the words "took an honorable icon that is seen in sporting venues everywhere and degraded...", Chmelar and the reporter would have looked at each other for a long moment, then one would have asked the other "What are we doing?", the other would have responded with "Making a huge mistake", and then they would have both agreed to part ways, telling nobody about their near-brush with semantic disaster.

Since you're reading this, that didn't happen, so, yeah. Fuck them.

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