You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Memo to Sam Wurzelbacher, Anthony Weiner, and Andrea Tantaros: YOU WERE DUMB.
Backlog-clearing time! Some of these I thought I'd use for longer pieces, some just got bumped on the priority train. But they were still dumb, and still classic examples of how IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!
"Wanting a white Republican president doesn’t make you racist, it just makes you American." - Not-Joe Not-A-Plumber, on his little hole of a blog where he can occasionally say shit stupid enough to tack another minute onto his fifteen of fame.
His argument is that, if the president is white, you can criticize him without being called a racist, and criticizing the President is American. But he also mentions Republican, and we know that Republicans don't criticize Republican presidents, and we know that Republicans don't think criticizing a Republican president is American. We know this from the entire Dubya administration, when pointing out instances of the man showing a lack of intellectual heft was called "Bush Derangement Syndrome".
Fun note - technically, Wurzelbacher didn't write this. A different asshole named Kevin Jackson did, and Wurzelbacher posted it on his blog under his own name, I guess with permission? Who knows. Who cares. Let the dipshits plagiarize each other. It works for Rand Paul.
"Maybe if the Internet didn’t exist? Like, if I was running in 1955? I’d probably get elected mayor.> - Anthony Weiner, who definitely didn't get elected mayor.
It's true that, in 1955, he might have shown his penis to all kinds of women without the press finding out. I'm sure it happened all the time. But let's not forget that 1955 was 1955.
And Anthony Weiner wouldn't have been elected mayor in 1955, because, well, he's married to a swarthy foreign Mussulman. It was New York, so at least you wouldn't have been jailed for it, but you were still another 58 years away from a white man married to a non-white woman being elected mayor. You know, the guy you lost to in the present.
"The elites believe in multiculturalism, they believe in diversity. The Tea Party believes in patriotism. OK? …They worship a different altar. They don’t worship multiculturalism. …This is a fight over the civic cult of America." - Andrea Tantaros, on Fox News, giving those brown people what for.
I want to give Tantaros shit for treating "diversity" as something you either believe in or not, instead of an observable fact, but then I realized something. If I spent enough time in the desert, I'd start to doubt the existence of water. And so it is with working for Fox News and diversity.
Still, in the annals of setting up weird false dichotomies in order to make your ideological opponents look like bastards, setting up "diversity" and "patriotism" as mutually exclusive opposites is quite the rhetorical stunt. It's like a triple backflip with a twist, only you accidentally land in a big pile of racism. It's a nice counterpart to Wurzelbacher's equating of white supremacy with American values.