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Memo to Tod Kincannon: OH, NO. NOT YOU.

I am under few illusions about the job of You Are Dumb Dot Net. My job is to call people names on the Internet because I don't like them, for the entertainment of other people who don't like them much either. I mean, I wouldn't have done it for 11 years if I didn't think there was an art to it. And also an ethics to it.

For example, headlines indicating that an ex-GOP official was defending himself against charges of threatening his wife based upon an adverse reaction to cough syrup? That got a pass from me. Not a lot there, people can have adverse reactions to medication, and it was just some yelling in a parking lot.

And then it was brought to my attention that the man in question was Todd Kincannon, and the ethics equation did such a tectonic shift that I had to stand in a doorway for a bit even though that's a bad idea during a real earthquake.

You see, Todd Kincannon is the worst Todd ever, and that's saying something. Kincannon is a South Carolina lawyer who until recently dedicated his life to being the most awful wingnut on Twitter. Which admittedly is a challenge, but why would anyone want to do that?

I mean, either Kincannon thought last year that people with Ebola should be executed, which makes him both awful and, as history has shown, epidemiologically unhelpful, or he thought someone needed to say it to get attention, which means he's quite the douchewaffle. Either way, his schadenfreude is essentially the sixth taste, after umami.

So let's start with what happened. First fact that neither side disputes - that it started with an argument in a Chik-Fil-A parking lot. Because OF COURSE IT DID. I'm sure the Kincannon-Griffith household views dining at Chik-Fil-A as a profound statement on traditional marriage. I mean, not "wife takes the husband's name" traditional, but consistency in what traditions are important and which can be discarded has never been a hallmark of this crowd.

Also not in dispute, that the argument continued on the drive home, and that Ashely (sic) Griffith wanted out of the car. This is where accounts differ, specifically about whether or not Kilcannon grabbed her to prevent her from getting out of the car, and whether he threatened to kill himself if she got out of the car.

Now, assuming it happened, which he denies, that's a very specific, very classic type of emotional manipulation used by a very specific, very classic kind of man. There are many terms that describe that type of man, and none of them are "exemplary", "husband material", or "decent human being". "Insecure douchebag" works just fine, though.

And then there's the cough syrup. First, let's hear from the Toddster himself. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Basically, I went completely crazy after taking it. I don’t even remember all of it. My wife called 911 because she was worried about me and my behavior was way out of character and erratic, and she was afraid for her safety and mine." - Kincannon, after the fact.

Now, even assuming his cough syrup could make him go completely crazy (the closest side effects to what Kilcannon describes for his prescription cough syrup are "a little confusion" and "beginning to hallucinate"), having been familiar with Kincannon on Twitter, I'm pretty sure that neither "erratic" nor "crazy" would be way out of character for him.

But hey, given that this kind of behavior tends to repeat itself, let's hope Kincannon's got a good fake cough and decent health insurance. He's gonna need it.

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