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Unsettled Law

« March 2018  

It’s been a very busy week in Trumpland. Depending on which news channel you watch, people are being fired, investigated, quitting, and leaking about the Trump administration in droves even by the already exit- and investigation-prone standards of this shitpile of an administration, or some people think dogs are better than cats and some people think the opposite. Either way, there’s a lot to cover. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

Here’s how hard the Florida shooting has turned the gun debate. They’re so desperate they’re revisiting VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES. The violent video game “issue” has been setted law for a fucking decade. For at least two full console generations. But now Trump’s going to meet with the video game industry, the representatives of which, I’m sure, will be all “whatever you say about guns, Mr. President, just please don’t do anything about lootbox-based microtransactions because running a bunch of tiny virtual casinos is WAY more profitable than making enjoyable things that people like to play.”

This is why the trend of rebooting long-running series without numbers is a bad thing. These assholes look at the shelves, see people are still playing “Doom” and “Mortal Kombat” and “Tomb Raider” and think it’s still the late 90s when this bullshit had political traction. At least we know they’re not going to do anything because they can’t do anything.

Speaking of settled law, South Carolina is trying to ban gay marriage, somehow not realizing that the legalization of gay marriage and the collapse of Western civilization are just coincidentally happening at the same time. And the way they’re going about it is spectacular, even by South Carolina Jesus-freak standards.

The bill, in what is clearly an example of what dumbasses think logical judo is, claims that gay marriages aren’t real marriages, they’re “parody marriages”, because real marriages between a man and a woman are secular, while gay marriages are part of the religion of secular humanism. No, seriously. There are at least six South Carolina legislators who think this is a good idea. Which means their families should probably check on them and see if they’ve drowned by looking up while it’s raining.

If you’re wondering why we’re in the situation we’re in right now, first of all, I’m sorry to hear about your two decades of cryogenic freezing, but I’m glad you were thawed successfully. And secondly, I’ll direct you to the case of Glenn Haab and the “scripted” question. Haab, the father of Parkland student Coldon Haab, went around claiming on Fox News that his son skipped CNN’s town hall after CNN told him to “stick to the script”. Every right-wing idiot on Twitter brayed at this proof of the LIBERAL MEDIA, including the one in the White House.


Glenn Haab has since admitted to editing the e-mail he provided as evidence of CNN putting its thumb on the gun control scale, although he claims that removing the one bit of context that made it absolutely clear that CNN just wanted Colton to ask the question he’d already submitted was purely coincidental and he had no malicious intent. And yet, the idea that CNN scripted the gun control town hall will become a permanent fixture of right-wing mythology, and that anyone claiming otherwise is “fake news”. Because objective reality is for suckers.

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