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Dumbass Of The Year: Nominations Part One

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Memo to 2013: YOU WERE DUMB.

And so, the tenth full year of You Are Dumb comes to an end. Surprisingly, there was enough stupidity to fill ANOTHER year. Who'd have thunk it? Anyway, today, Monday, and Tuesday, I'll be recapping the year in Dumb, four months at a time. Each month gets a top dumbass, and one of those twelve will be the Dumbass Of The Year.

JANUARY:

January was just fucking weird, with the armed coup at Freedomworks, the beginning of the first debt ceiling debate, the Dead Island mutilated lady statue, the awful inauguration pastor, and Tom Tancredo's pot brownie bet takeback.

But January was also the month the gun nuts reacted to the Sandy Hook shooting with a full-court press of crazy, culminating in the claim that victim of gun violence Martin Luther King Jr. would certainly have sided with 2nd Amendment fanatics if he hadn't, you know. Been shot. So America's gun nuts take January.

FEBRUARY:

February was Pope Resignation Month, but that ended up working out OK. Got a bit of a Popegrade, if you will. It was also the month Fox News hired Erick Erickson, which certainly proved a bountiful font of fuckery for the rest of the year. It's also when I started paying attention to Ted Cruz, dammit.

But you have to go a long way to be as awful as the National Organization for Marriage's Jennifer Roback Morse went on an epic fucking tear on Lutheran radio about how horrible it was that lesbian couples were paying sperm donors to have children. It's some seriously crazy shit, even by this column's standards, and wins February by a cunty mile.

MARCH:

March is the cruelest month. It was the start of the sequester, which hurt the powerless for nine months before being replaced by a slightly less cruel budget. Dennis Rodman showed his love for North Korea. And lest we forget the launch of SimCity, the always-on online SimCity that spent months not being online, and therefore not being on.

But March was the cruelest month for another reason. March was when Google announced they were killing Google Reader, which was easily the single biggest event affecting You Are Dumb Dot Net in 2013. And I'm still fucking resentful about it. Google takes March and better hope I'm feeling impersonal when Tuesday rolls around.

APRIL:

April was dominated by the Boston Marathon bombings and the all-too-typical reaction thereto, but that was too widespread and to depressing to single anyone out. I know I singled the gun nuts out as a group in January, but that's a single-issue bloc. The Boston Bombing reaction was a clusterfuck of nativism and fearmongering.

So April's award goes to John Kavanagh, whose rant against the transgendered in regards to their use of bathrooms was emblemetic of an ongoing line of bullshit that went on year round.

Tomorrow, the dogshit days of summer.

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