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Memo to those considering legislating against ex-gay "therapy": LOOK AT IT.

Chris Christie found himself in another pickle lately, refusing to say, one way or the other, whether he supported a New Jersey ban on ex-gay therapy for children. He has since said he's personally opposed to it, but the rubber will meet the road if he has to sign the bill, and we'll see where his delicate, allegedly moderate Republican balancing act takes him on this.

The big proponents of ex-gay therapy in New Jersey are the assholes at NARTH. NARTH are fucking insane. If Christie spent ten minutes looking into what NARTH believed, he'd know damn well to sign the bill, at least if principle were his only guide. Which it isn't. Because politics.

See, since NARTH thinks that being gay is a collection of weird neuroses and gender-role wackiness, one of the things they think they need to explain is why gay dudes like watching gay dudes have gay sex in gay porn. Of course, they like it for the same reason straight people like watching straight people have sex, but NARTH can't admit that. So they've come up with something else. Something deeply fucking crazy. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

Body Envy: Usually the first identified need is the desire for a body like the personified image. The porn actor possesses qualities of masculinity regarding which the client painfully feels inadequate. For each client, those masculine features may differ, but the common elements are muscularity, body hair, large build, and the archetypal image of masculinity, a large penis, which the client feels are shamefully lacking in himself." - Joseph Nicolosi, whose Ph.D. from the California School of Professional Psychology halves the value of all the other Ph.D.'s they've ever given out.

So most gay dudes love watching gay porn actors not because they're attracted to men, but because they wish they were muscular, hairy, and hung like porn stars. If we could somehow harness the power of projection and hook Nicolosi up to a turbine, we could switch from a fossil-fuel economy to clean, porn-based energy within a few years.

Plus, any "scientific" study of porn that results in a finding that body hair is a big part of it in general is automatically suspect. I think Nicolosi was using some very specific search terms for reasons I couldn't begin to speculate about.

"Assertive Attitude: In addition to body image, the client is drawn to a display of directness, non-inhibition and bold aggression. These are exactly what the client lacks in life, especially in his inhibited relationships with other men."

Got that? Gay men don't enjoy gay porn because they're gay. Gay men enjoy gay porn because they have inhibited relationships with other men, and long for the kind of direct, aggressive and assertive relationships gay porn stars have with each other. It's not a sex thing at all! The sex is just a metaphor. For fucking.

"Vulnerable Sharing: With further exploration, the client may identify his attraction to a quality of open sharing of emotions and other aspects of one’s inner experience with another man. Sexual activity between two men offers a fantasy image of both vulnerable sharing and a deep level of mutual acceptance and validation which are strongly desired yet painfully absent in his male relationships."

As with body hair, we're looking at some very specific search terms here. Straight, gay, or whatever, you show me porn that offers a fantasy image of vulnerable sharing and a deep level of mutual acceptance and I'll explain to you that that is, in fact, a RIVER OF SPUNK.

Overall, what we're looking at, straight from the mouths of one of the founders of the ex-gay movement, is a version of reality so obviously distant from Actual Reality that they should be committed, not consulted on legislation. Chris Christie should know that. He may already know that. If he is unwilling to find out, or worse, unwilling or unable to act on that very obvious knowledge, then it's one more strike against our broken system.

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