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Tort Reform

« June 2014 »

Memo to John Boehner: OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

In the Nineties, there was a thing called Whitewater. A Republican congress found a trumped-up scandal and used it to launch a special investigation that captivated the media landscape for months, even though ultimately, the Clintons were found to have done nothing wrong and nobody proved they had Vince Foster killed.

Also in the Nineties, there was the Money Shot Heard Round The World, where some oral and tobacco dildoing led to the failed impeachment of a president because while the sex happened, the high crimes and misdemeanors didn't. But Republicans couldn't help themselves.

Echoes of Whitewater and Lewinsky have been bouncing around Washington ever since Obama took office. Darrell Issa, in particular, has been jonesing for some of that sweet sweet scandal cred. But the modern media landscape isn't what it was during the Clinton administration, and hearings on #BENGHAZI! and #IRSEMAILS! don't have the sting they once did.

On the other end of the spectrum, the backlash from the Clinton impeachment still lingers in the GOP's ancestral memory, so no matter how many three-and-a-half inch semi-flaccid erections the thought gives the tricorner hat crowd, we won't be seeing that before January 2017.

Captain Orange to the, um, rescue?

So yesterday, John Boehner announced that the House would, at some point this summer, sue Barack Obama for abusing his executive power. ACTUAL BOEHNER TIME!

"The Constitution makes it clear that the president's job is to faithfully execute the law. In my view, the president has not faithfully executed the law."

Well, there you go. Hope you enjoy your tax money being spent on what is essentially a community theater play to assuage John Boehner's feelings about Barack Obama. I mean, your tax dollars have been doing that anyway since around 2009, but this is going to add some additional charges to the bill.

And you know what? I would welcome a serious examination by our impartial court system about the limits of executive power. Unlike John Boehner, I also would have welcomed it at any point between 2000 and 2008. And unlike John Boehner, I think it'd be cool if one happened now. But it's not going to happen now.

Hell, it might not even happen at all. All Boehner did yesterday was grab some face time in front of cameras by saying the House planned to do something. The kind of something that even John Boehner knew would make the D.C. press corps drool. Conditioned response for the, um, win?

About the only upside to this is that if it happens, it'll be the kind of show trial circus that might be able to distract us from the jockeying for 2016. Sick if hitting your head with a hammer? Try hitting it with a small baseball bat instead!

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